Teacher IN Training: Day 4. June 20, 2010.

The process of teacher training churns up a lot of stuff for me. A little bit of what came to me this morning:

I met my first yoga teacher in an unlikely place: graduate business school. In our very first class he instructed us to BREATHE. I’d thought I’d been sold a bill of goods. How could this possibly have anything to do with the bottom line of my company? As I began to practice taking a breath in the boardroom, on the sales floor, hiring and firing, reading financials, and all points in between, I started to learn breathing was everything.

At the time, I heard yoga had something to do with the breath. So I, quite innocently, stepped into my first yoga class. The promotional material said “Yoga to the Stars” and listed several famous names with beautiful bodies as practitioners. That was good enough reason for me.

This system focused mainly on achievement and the perfect pose. This fit my life as an executive in the business world. Until it didn’t. When, five years ago, I sold my business and my marriage failed, I had a major identity crisis. If I wasn’t this perfect pose, who was I? The pain of realizing I had no idea almost killed me.

In some circles I think you could call this a mid life crisis. Behind my back I’m pretty sure my family called it a nervous breakdown. I call it yoga.

It doesn’t always look pretty and it doesn’t always feel good, but what I can do is follow my breath and survive those dark spots. With practice I am learning to rather appreciate them as messages from deep within my soul, asking to be explored , drawn out, exposed to the light, and honored.

Two weeks ago, during yin class, from deep within I felt safe enough to ask ‘why do we do this practice?’.  Lurking below that was, ‘do I really care?’ ‘Do I, can I, love myself that much?’

You know what, yes I do! That is what I’m learning. And tuning to this realization is worth every bit of pain it has taken me to get here. 

Tonight I am subbing yin for Kira and I am scared to death. Another dark spot is revealed. But I feel, I know I have no real choice but to teach.  It is a golden opportunity graciously placed right in my lap, and an important and necessary step to help me see.

I am so grateful to have been invited to assist in this teacher training, but it is you, this group, that is assisting me. THANK YOU.

Day Four

Partner practice with subtle enegy, breath in the nostrils, prana.

Discussion: Green Tara, Meditation and meditation, sacred group circle, we teach what we are learning

Practice: following the prana...WOW

Break: Dahl and brown rice. I was hungry!

Discussion: meeting students where they're at, uncovering the rumors

Homework: lineage.